I’ve been a lil quiet over here cuz Iโve been deep in the most chaotic, exhilarating, ADHD-coded roller coaster of my life: building my website from scratch.
I havenโt been this obsessively excited about learning something since hair school. I even tried signing up for some classes @ Mendo (don’t even get me started on the M.I.A. counselors ๐คฆ๐ผโโ๏ธ)
I went down a rabbit hole out of pure autistic level injustice fueled indignation and before I knew it I was vibe-coding for twelve hours straight, since MAY ๐คฃ and even though itโs harder and more expensive, this is pure spite energy at it’s best and I’m ok with that.
It’s teaching me to be ok with making mistakes (THANK YOU to everyone who has texted me when something wasn’t working! I just added a popup for anonymous feedback tea too ๐ซ) and to not sweat the small stuff. Tryna not sweat the big stuff too, but progress not perfection.๏ปฟ
I will absolutely break free of their SaaS chains. ๐
But today isnโt really about that.
Today is complicated.
๐ชถ Letโs name the truth about Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving is a racist, colonial holiday built on violence, land theft, and erasure.
We live in a county where the effects of that history are still carried in Native communities every single day.
Mendocinoโs โorigin storyโ isnโt cute.
Colonizers came here as loggers and tore through ancient forests, Native land, Native culture, and Native families.
That generational trauma is still visible, and still ignored, by many.
I want to honor that truth today instead of participating in the usual โparades and turkeyโ whitewashing.
๐ฟ Land Acknowledgement โ Ukiah, CA
I acknowledge that I live and work on the traditional, ancestral, and unceded land of the Northern Pomo peoples, including the Yokayo Pomo, and the Cahto people. I honor their enduring presence, resilience, and stewardship of this land. I recognize the ongoing harm caused by colonization and commit to contributing to healing rather than harm in the place I call home.๏ปฟ
If you feel like educating yourself a bit more today, check these out:
The History of Thanksgiving from the Native American Perspective
Californiaโs Indigenous History Is a Story of Genocide and Resistance
Truth first. Gratitude second. Both matter.
If I am keeping it 100, gratitude is sometimes the only thing that gets me through the day.
Some years, gratitude feels like a stretch.
This year, it feels like a lifeline.
I have been ๐ง๐ผโโ๏ธ healing ๐ฉ๐ผโ๐ป from a painful betrayal in my family of origin. The kind that rearranges your reality and pushes you into places you never planned. Somehow, in the middle of all of that, I ended up surrounded by support I never expected.
I am living in my brotherโs garage, wrapped in a kind of chill vibe that still feels new.
Daily hangouts, dance parties, deep talks & trading sass with my niece.
Family dinners & traditions.
Real connection.
Space to be myself, by myself, or together.
A level of safety I have not felt in years.
Of course I am still consumed by grief. By loneliness. By confusion. But that’s life baby, no rain, no rainbows. ๐ The work is releasing attachment. Attachment leads to suffering.
The City of Ten Thousand Buddhas has been a place where my nervous system *almost* completely relaxes, if even just for a couple seconds.
As close as I’ve ever been to a calm nervous system anyway.
No pressure.
No performance.
Just breath and space and no maladaptive coping mechanisms.
Guan Yin Bodhisattva called me there ๐ฅน๐ and while I wouldn’t dare be so bold as to call myself a Buddhist, Yogacara is the perfect mix of psychotherapy and spirituality that has helped ground me when I need it.
And through all the chaos of building my new website and dealing with the inevitable suffering that comes with life, you, my guests, have been a constant source of joy. You show up for hair, yes, but also for authenticity, community, softness, and connection.
And of course some good ol’ fashioned unmasking and tea, Henny!
Here is my real gratitude list for this year.
In no particular order.
๐ caffeine
๐ my niece
๐ a safe and warm home
๐ good homegrown Emerald Triangle weed
๐ guests who pay in cash because the processing fees are unreal
๐ my sister-in-law delivering a Costco chicken because cooking for one is hard & sad lol
๐ my ability to stay soft even when life tries to make me hard
๐ the Lisa Frank kitsch collection healing my inner child
๐ creative expression in every form, from watercolor to web design
๐ friends who reach out and do not take my silence personally
๐ the double texters who know it is ADHD, not avoidance
๐ the quiet moments where I remember I am allowed to rebuild my life
๐ expressing emotion (sadness) around family and not being shamed for it, it’s normal
๐ Alan Watts wisdom and how I can listen to his same talks year after year and still learn something new
๐ Good Dharma Friends
๐ stillness
๐ solitude. no bullshit, I am really at peace on my own, even when I am lonely (and she do be lonely)
๐ family. I have never experienced a healthy family dynamic like this and I couldn’t be more grateful to the ones who have chosen to care for me, include me, and treat me like family. I am so proud of my brother Bobby & so grateful he found such a beautiful woman & family to merge with. it’s a beautiful, foreign thing to me.
๐ญ thankful for this comedic tragedy.
surrender to the ride. ๐ญ
